Criticism

Criticism is something I have a problem not getting defensive about. Most of my life there have been a lot of people who put me down, dismissing my work, good and bad, and not giving me credit.  Once you're told you are worthless enough times, you start to believe it. 

My fantasy worlds are my therapy.  They keep me sane in a chaotic world.

I have decided to finish at least a few of my books, and to publish them.  Criticism is a part of process of getting my book ready for publishing, but it is hard for me to accept.  I know that other people may have more experience with the publishing process and can help me get my book closer to publishing.  I'm a far worse critic then they ever will be, yet it hurts more when someone else is critical of my work.  I guess because it makes me think that all the criticism I give myself is true, and no one will want to read my book if and when I finish it. I try to tell myself that I'm just reacting to all the negativity that others had put on me growing up, and that others have probably felt the same way, but that doesn't always work. 

I took some of the pages of my earth story into a critique group. Chapter 2 to be exact, since I felt it was unfinished. They agreed. It sounded like they thought it was good, but needed some work. I know I do run on sentences alot. Stream of consciousness thinking leads to run on sentences in my work, though I do edit myself to the extreme. I'm sure I was defensive when they talked to me, but I was so nervous that I don't remember.  I get nervous because I think the work I show is not good enough, and people will hate it, thus I get defensive. It's a vicious cycle for me.

I'm trying to be more open-minded and accepting to criticism. If I seem defensive I'm sorry and I'll try to better next time.  That's all we can ask for, isn't it?  To do better the next time?